it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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