I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
