I only kidnapped one of them. chill
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
