The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
my liver is dry heaving
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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