apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize