Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize