1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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