I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
