he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
