How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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