now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
