I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
