Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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