..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
