I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize