The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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