youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
