I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
