I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
