you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
