I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
