I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
