Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
