I checked into jail on foursquare
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
