I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
