I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
