At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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