Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
