Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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