Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
