Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
This is my gift to your gina
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize