I'm going to jail i love you
well I can't set my house on fire every night
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
