So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
