He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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