he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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