Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
May the power of my ass compel you!!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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