I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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