Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
