she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
