i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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