Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
