she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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