I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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