I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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