Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
