why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
