Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
