I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Oh god it's open bar.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
