think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
