First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
