i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
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