I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
