Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
