Banned from zoo.
Again?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
