i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
the condom got lost in my hair
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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