I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
