I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
