I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
