Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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