I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
