then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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