I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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