I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
