batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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