Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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