I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
barbara walters just said penis...
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
