I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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