I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
