Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
