that's an acceptable place to lick
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize