Grow some girl-balls and come out already
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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