foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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