My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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