I CAN MOONWALK!
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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