we have officially lost it.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We don't watch enough power rangers
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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