some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize