The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
