so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
