So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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