There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
