I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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