whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Found the puke drawer
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
