Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize