I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Tell her she can't have a vagina
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
