I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
