I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
