i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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