We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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