I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
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