So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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