Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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