I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
