I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
