I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
