these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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